He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how

Read more about building a business and lifestyle in SE Asia at LewisQ.com / AsToldByANerd.com

Nothing scares me more then How.

I look back at all of my failures, half completed projects and ideas that inspired me but not enough for me to take action; and the thing that ties them together is the ‘How‘

In my childhood years, how didn’t really exist. I’d see a tree, tell myself I’m getting to the top, things would just happen and I’d be making wolf howling sounds from the highest branch.

I saw people roller skating backwards and doing tricks, bought a pair of skates (or rather, begged my Dad to buy me a pair) and bruised/scraped my knees and elbows 200+ times until I could skate backwards and do tricks too.

I never stopped for a second to debate how I was getting to an end point before just getting started with it.

Sure, I got frustrated and failed, often painfully, a bunch of times. I still have old scar marks from when I tried spinning on my skates while going a little too fast, and from tree branches snapping under my chubby pre-teen frame.

I’d sometimes get wrapped up in little things that stopped progress too, like arguing with the neighbour girl over wether ‘blades’ or ‘quads’ were cooler. I appreciate both these days, although quads have the retro quality to them and are more comfortable

But, despite the shiny, glittery things that distract the mind of a 10 year old (“ooh, new transformer toys”), I was accomplishing things at a rate that would make David Allen envious.

These days, as soon as I get a new idea or am presented with a cool concept or goal, my brain stops in it’s tracks and ponders “how the hell am I going to do that”.

The how is a trigger for the brain to start highlighting my fears. “Am I smart enough”, “what will happen if I don’t hit the mark”, “should I even try?” – all responses to the How question I instinctively ask myself when presented with a challenge.

My solution as of late has been to ignore the how, and focus instead on immediately assessing the value of overcoming a challenge when it’s presented. If it’s worth it – get started and the how will come; either I’ll dig in to that experience bank I’ve been building to guide me, or I end up just figuring it out/bluffing/mac-guyvering my way through it. Often the approach involves a lot of both.

The strange thing I’m noticing is that a lot of, if not all, people are doing exactly the same. That lad or ladette who you thought knew everything about the game, they’re likely stumbling their way through too – figuring out things as they go and drawing on experience when they can. They just started earlier, and probably had to get over their fear of how, just like you.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I just noticed a tree that looks ripe for climbing.

Read more about building a business and lifestyle in SE Asia at LewisQ.com / AsToldByANerd.com

For the most part, over the past 4-5 years, there hasn’t really been a technological advancement that has got me genuinely excited.

All of Apple’s beautifully designed products have been visually and functionally (SIRI!) appealing, but nothing that gives me that ‘glimpse into the future’ feel. Over the last few months, I have had a chance to really examine the technological sphere again and I have to say, things are once-again getting exciting!

For those even further behind the curve then me, here’s a small sample of technological advancements that should make you say “wow” once more:

Google Glasses & The Myo

Watch this video:

And check out the Verge’s hands on review of Google’s brand new technology: http://www.theverge.com/2013/2/22/4013406/i-used-google-glass-its-the-future-with-monthly-updates

Seeing this kind of virtual display for day-to-day reality increases my beliefs that we are only a few years away from alternate realities and digital, internet connected worlds that we ‘wake up’ into rather then ‘log-in’ into.

I’ve been dipping my toe in Sci-Fi books recently, and can highly recommend Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson for an insightful look into how corporations and franchises will become the new law-makers of society, as well as some mind-boggling theories about the spreading of languages and wisdom as a form of virus. In Snow Crash, Neal Stephenson presents an internet-like technology called the metaverse, that users ‘goggle’ in to and can walk around, communicate and connect with in some very cool ways. AR technology has been around for some time now, but this glasses technology is the first mass produced concept that will bring these sci-fi fantasies closer to reality.

Jon Myers, my new secret mancrush, put me on to the Myo device, a gesture control armband that tracks the movement of your arm muscles to do some pretty awesome things, imagine the possibilities of combining this with the Glasses:

The Myo, built by Canadian startup firm Thalmic Labs, based in Kitchener, Ontario, aims to bring gestural interfaces right into the mainstream. Electrodes embedded in the band read electrical activity in a user’s muscles as they contract or relax to make gestures with their hand and arm, and transmit it wirelessly to software that interprets the movements into commands.

The Automobile Industry

Everything Tesla motors is doing is mind-blowing to me, hybrid cars are now pretty mainstream but Tesla have really turned electric cars into the undeniable future of the car industry. Check out the details (and pretty good looks) of the Tesla Model S, their first range of luxury sedans. Petrol and diesel are a few years away from being irrelevant fuel methods:

http://www.teslamotors.com/goelectric

Google’s advancements in the self-driving car space are pretty breath-taking too:

There’s a huge array of other advancements in spaces ranging from health (23andme at-home DNA testing kits and DIY BioPunk health hackers making tremendous medical advancements in their basements) to space travel – enough to make anyone excited what the future holds!

Read more about building a business and lifestyle in SE Asia at LewisQ.com / AsToldByANerd.com

In design man becomes what he is.
Animals have language and perception as well,
but they do not design.

Read more about building a business and lifestyle in SE Asia at LewisQ.com / AsToldByANerd.com

I’m typing this post today from a Starbucks… with no internet connection because I refuse to pay 150 baht for an hour of wi-fi access when every other cafe in the northern city of Udon Thani offers free wi-fi, and much cheaper coffee.

Ok, so that had nothing to do with anything, I just wanted to rant about Starbucks and remind myself why I try to avoid this overpriced hipster paradise whenever I have the option.

Last week, on Monday November 5th, I had my first professional Muay Thai fight here in Thailand. I’d been training for 5-6 months prior and I’m very happy with my first time performance. Here’s a video – you’ll have to watch all 5 rounds (or rudely skip ahead… but where’s the fun in that) to see the result:

Muay Thai has taught me a lot as a martial art and as a lifestyle (“the Muay Thai lifestyle”… sounds a bit like CrossFit/some other cult-like fitness regime), quite a few of these lessons are covered in my “S*** my Muay Thai Instructor says” post, but today I wanted to share my biggest, life changing mental takeaway from Muay Thai, and also from the act of living in a foreign country and trying to forge my own path:

It’s All About Confidence

So it’s round 3 of my first Muay Thai fight, I’m handling myself nicely, have a decent amount of energy left and the fight is pretty even. After throwing out a couple of jabs (watch the video), my opponent lets loose a sharp kick to my front leg. I’m slow to respond and fail to block the kick by raising my knee and forcing him to strike my shin. Tap your shin right now and feel how hard it is, now imagine smacking your lower shin in to something that hard… yeah, that’s the basis of lower body Muay Thai defense.

A pain shoots up and down my leg like I’d just been electrocuted. I shake it off pretty quickly, my adrenaline has been pumping for the past 5 minutes and my mind all ready has too many other over-excited messages shooting around to let that ‘fight-or-flight’ neuron fire up.

A second later I see my opponent smirking at me. He’s older then me, and I have a clear advantage in stamina and speed on him, but he’s had near 100 fights in his younger days. He knows how much that kick hurt, and he placed it in just the right spot to give my leg a numb, heavy feeling for a few moments.

I didn’t really observe any other expressions or reactions from my oponent like this, I was too busy trying to throw punches, swing my knees and avoid elbows to be able too. But I’ve since thought about that smirk, that slightly knowing, not quite cheeky but slightly annoying facial expression that communicated one thing, if only for a moment: confidence.

I very quickly came back from that kick, and really put everything I had left into the remaining rounds of the fight, but it wasn’t enough to win. That smirk was the core of why I lost. I feel I out performed my opponent, but in Muay Thai the judges dont look score fights as a traditional sport, they score it as a performance.

Imagine striking your opponent with 5 nice body shots, but he doesnt flinch and keeps a strong composure. He strikes you back with a knee that, while not too hard, winds you slightly and you fold over a bit, loosing a bit of compusure to absorb the blow. In Muay Thai, one knee that makes someone visibly wince trumps 5 effective body shots that somone plays off. It’s the way the sport, and a lot of the communication here in Thailand, works.

Living Abroad Foces You To Build Your Confidence

In the Philippines, and now here in Thailand, everyone stares at me. This may be because I’m a 6 foot black man with dreads and a slight London swagger (holla), but the reason never matters on the bad days when you just want to walk to 7/11, buy your chocolate bar and fanta in peace and head back to the comfort of your home/room/condo/hotel room without being interupted by anyone. On the flipside, some days you feel supremely grateful for living the way you do, and the large group of kids shouting, smiling and waving at you across the street is like a positive multiplier for your day, an amazing feeling.

That constant attention builds character and confidence, no matter how you take it. I find myself smiling without a hint of anxiety at groups of teenagers here who are clearly talking to each other in Thai about me (how do I know you ask: the pointing, giggling, akward “oooooh look at him” stares and few Thai words that I understand give it away) and feeling perfectly comfortable answering the tirade of questions I get every time I buy something from a new street food vendor.

Understand: I’m a Londoner. Londoners, by our very nature, hate everything and everyone! Get on the underground train at 8 in the morning and try and strike up a conversation with the person sitting next to you, and tell me I’m lying. In contrast, the lady who sold me meat sticks and sticky rice last week grilled me on why I don’t have a girlfriend/wife here in Thailand and told me I need to have kids soon… we had oficially known each other for 45 seconds before this, while I picked out which meat sticks I wanted. I didn’t even think this conversation was strange until the next morning when I really thought about it – Thailand changes you!

Successful People Are Not Geniuses, They Just Had The Confidence To Go After [insert acheivement here]

I look at the people around me who have acheived a level of success in an area of their life, usually something to do with health, wealth and relationships (what else is there?). Almost all of these people are normal people who just had enough confidence in something to chase that sucker down. Most super fit (read: muscular and sexy ;-D) people don’t have ‘good genes’, they just had the staying power to stick at what they were doing (working out, keeping their diet clean or whatever) until they saw results. Most successful business owners just had the confidence to work as hard and as smart at their ‘project’ as possible, without straying from their chosen path haphazardly, until it started to show rewards (profit). Relationships, well that’s less confidence and more craziness, but I digress

It seems that 99% of success in our lives comes from choosing to do something, having confidence that it will somehow work and sticking with it until it does.

So If All It Takes Is A Bit Of Confidence, Why Aren’t We All Successful At Everything We Do?

Well the challenge is not in acting confident, anyone can do that. The challenge is in building your knowledge and experience to a point where your confidence is justified.

Dan and Ian from the Lifestyle Business Podcast spoke about a persons ‘Body Of Work’ recently on a podcast. To me, they were not talking about a portfolio or CV, they were talking about the collective experiences and knowledge that a person has consciously gathered that makes them who they are, that makes them valuable in this asset-based world we live in.

That body of work IS confidence.

And the best way, that I know of, for quickly building that body of work… hopping on a plane!

What do you think? Is there more to life then a cocky smirk and cheeky confidence? Do you know someone who has got ahead in life without any real ‘body of work‘ behind them? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Read more about building a business and lifestyle in SE Asia at LewisQ.com / AsToldByANerd.com

I’ve been training Muay Thai here in Thailand for the past 4-5 months. The schedules have changed but I’ve been pretty consistent in training every day for at least 2 hours (now I train 3 hours every morning, last month I was destroying myself with a 2 hours in the morning, 2 hours in the afternoon schedule), with a day off every Sunday. I have at least two professional fights scheduled for the next 2 months, and I’ve lost near 20kg in weight and improved my health drastically in preparation.

You can see my Muay Thai teacher/’ajarn’ in the picture above, his name is Sen and he is the calmest, clearest thinking man I have ever met. It’s hard to look him in the eyes if you’re tired or unprepared, as it feels like he can see into your soul. He has a very impressive Muay Thai track record, with several world champion titles and nearly 400 fights to his name; not that he would ever bring them up unless you specifically ask.

He goes hunting near his home from time-to-time, returning with snakes and other animals he catches in self-made traps that he cooks up for his wife. I’ve seen him jump into a bush and catch a chameleon (those in hotter climates will appreciate how fast lizards move) in his hands, show it to me and then let it free – just because he could!

In short, he’s an extremely dangerous Muay Thai fighter, a man in tune with nature and an excellent teacher.

Here’s just a few things ajarn Sen has taught me since he started training me in Muay Thai and became a true friend:

“First You Must Beat Yourself, Then You Can Beat Others”

This one keeps me going after 2 hours of training and full contact sparring sessions or similar; if you can’t ignore that little voice in your head telling you to quit and give up when it gets hard, how can you expect to ever win a fight against anyone else.

This one really vibes with my approach to life, if I’m a mess and in a bad head space, how can I ever expect to attract sharp thinkers and the people I need around me to improve. Even worse, if by some stroke of luck I do meet the right people, dragging them into my mess is placing a burden on them and destroying future opportunities.

Getting your head/life/business/health in order is your duty, it’s almost disrespectful of others to impact their lives while yours is in shards.

“No Friends In The Ring”

You’ve just finished your second round of sparring with your training partner, adrenaline is high and anger + the bodys natural response to agression and blows to the head/body can cause people to act without thinking. The last thing you do is drop your hands and raise your chin when your teacher calls an end to the round – trust me it’s an easy way to get punched in the jaw and it will be no-one’s fault but yours.

I don’t agree with a lot of UFC fighters “I don’t care I’m going to kill him” attitudes you see on TV, but I do believe that when you step in the ring/cage/gym you are there to become as efficient as possible at hurting people. You will improve as a person and athlete in the process, but the ultimate goal is that brutal truth. When around others in the same situation, have fun but realise that you have to protect yourself at all times. I’d rather raise my hands in a blocking motion when my friend is trying to demonstrate an elbow move, looking a bit paranoid or scared then get a cut on my face because my friend demonstrates a little too hard.

It’s the same in life really; have fun, fall in love, live it up with your friends, give everything you have to your business… but always protect YOURSELF. That doesn’t mean hide from danger and risk or put up social walls, it just means stay true to yourself. If you listen to your heart when it comes to making decisions, you are staying true, simple as.

“Train Hard, Fight Easy”

My Superior Muay Thai Skills Allow Me To Break Concrete Benches :-p

This is a favourite quote of boxers and martial art heads all over, because it’s ridiculously true. My trainer prepares me for the 5 minute rounds of a real Muay Thai fight by making me complete 7-10 minute rounds during training. 8 minutes of exhaustion on the pads makes for a well-paced and energetic 5 minute round during a sparring session/fight.

This is something I’m trying to apply to my day-to-day, starting projects and producing as if my financial future depended on it. This blog is an example, I started this site originally to improve my writing skills – in the process it has become a network booster for me. If I did not take this site seriously from the beginning, I would not have made half the connections I have and I wouldn’t have a small backlog of content to use as my body of work. The challenge is now multiplying this philosophy and ‘creating’ a lot in other areas of my life.

“Never Show Your Weaknesses”

Muay Thai, broken down to its basic concept, is a competition of controlled agression. You kic me in the side? OK! I will kick you in the head even harer. Even the kids (who fight from as early as 4-5 years old) show no pain in the ring. If I show pain, I am giving you a strategic hint on what part of my body to attack and also giving you a psychological boost knowing that I have been ‘dominated’ in some way.

I believe that this ties into the Thai concept of face, where to look weak or out classed, even for a moment, causes deep shame.

Tired at the end of a round, leg in pain after accidentally striking a knee or elbow, or just gasping for breath… you better keep that pain inside or find yourself getting jumped on by your opponent.

It’s like the way a lot of families deal with problems, sort it out amongst themselves and keep ‘outsiders’ in the dark. In smaller, gossipy communities this can actually be a good idea – it gives the critics and nasty gossipers nothing to talk about and stops other people from being dragged into family issues (which are often petty anyways).

Non-verbal Lessons

Here are a few things that watching and reflecting on the actions of my Muay Thai teacher has taught me:

Respect
If you watch a professional Muay Thai fight at Lumpinee stadium in Bangkok or in the middle of a remote field at 11 at night (guess how I spent my past weekend), you will see the fighters punching, kicking, kneeing and elbowing like you’d expect, but also smirking, performing and constantly showing a (sometimes small, sometimes large) level of respect or the other fighter.

Like I learnt, there are no friends in the ring, but Muay Thai and martial arts in general is about more then the fight. There’s a history, pride and slight reverence that comes with the sport. The Wai Khru, a form of dance performed by participants before a fight, is a show of respect to the fighters teacher. A lot of times there’s an element of cheekiness and mocking of the opposition to the wai khru as well, sort of like the Haka Maori rugby war dance performed by the all-blacks, but that’s all in good fun.

I wrote about respect on my Facebook page dedicted to learning the art of Muay Thai, FightJourney:

I like to think that I always show respect to my Ajarn, but more than that Muay Thai teaches you to respect yourself and others.

A sparring session for example, full contact or otherwise, is where you practice the movements and techniques you have learnt in a fight situation. Following quite a few hits to the head and torso – you learn to respect your opponent as much/even more so then you do yourself during these sessions.

Lack or respect for your opponent and their ability often leads to cocky and unclear thought, I have found. And nothing is more important than remaining calm and keeping your mind clear when fighting, it allows you to accept what is happening and then react or preemptively take action as needed. Similar, in a way, to meditation.

I have learned to respect myself and my body too. Nothing, I have learned, is more important than sleep if you don’t want to be suffering throughout training. I can eat well, stretch like an olympic athlete and talk all the big talk I want but if I haven’t slept properly the night before, there’s a 97% probability that I will have a bad training session. I’ll kick pads so lightly that my Ajarn will laugh at me or that niggling pain in my shins that I thought long gone will come back in full effect…

…The lesson here: respect yourself, respect others, and most importantly respect your Ajarn — that is if you don’t want him or her beating the respect out of you

Be Consistent
Since I started training Muay Thai, I have given myself one requirement that as a bare minimum I have to stick to; that no matter what happens, I have to show up for every training session. Aside from a few sick/real problem days, I have mostly stuck to this.

It gets hard showing up for training when it’s raining (I’m talking tropical storm raining – not the drizzle you see in the UK) or when your whole body is aching after getting kicked several times the day before and the 5:30am alarm comes way too early. I’ve even called my trainers wife up 30 mins after training starts, telling her I woke up too late and there’s no point of me coming in. Her response, just show up.

I’ve now turned the process of waking up at 5:30am, rolling out of bed and running through the 10-15 minute routine of preparing my gear for training and hopping on the scooter to ride in, into a mindless set of steps that I can almost complete with my eyes closed. I can be a bit of a grumpy prick during this process to my housemate and training partner Nick, but god-dammit I show up!

Despite all of the techniques, movements, fitness levels and nutrition discrepanciesrules I am learning – the ability to consistently show up is the biggest achievement I’ve had so far from learning Muay Thai, and knowing that I can keep chipping away at something even when it gets hard is opening up my eyes to a new stream of opportunities, things I would never have even considered before because I couldn’t see myself sticking to it.

My Muay Thai instructor dosen’t say much, but when he does, he leaves a huge impression on me. I’ll try to keep listening and learning, and you know I’ll share his teachings with you here

Read more about building a business and lifestyle in SE Asia at LewisQ.com / AsToldByANerd.com

This is a guest post by my buddy Matt John Canty, he and his business partner recently moved to Manilla, Philippines after a long stint in Davao, an awesome city in the south of the Philippines. Here he provides some good tips on choosing a location to run your business from and have a bunch of fun in the process . Check out more info on Matt & his business dealings/adventures over at LifestyleBusinessDesign.com

Lets face it, your chances of success in business are highly related to where you live and your surroundings (and the people around you for that matter). For all you location independent junkies out there you may disagree but I believe I have somewhat experienced this first hand.

After spending 1 year+ in Davao City Philippines myself and my business partner John started to get a bit bogged down. We were way way in our comfort zone just hanging out and not much was getting done really. Not to mention we completely wasted our first year in Davao making mistake after mistake with our business. The city is really laid back and there is not much going on. There is only about 4 smart dudes hustling online in the whole city that we managed to find.

So we made the move to Manila Philippines and it feels like a whole new game. We feel more switched on, ready for business, full of ideas and completely rejuvenated.

I think the change in scenery was a massive deal for us and maybe its just what you need also. If you have been stuck in a job or a hole for a long time maybe you should just pack up and leave to force yourself out. Challenge yourself here and you will challenge your business to grow and might just be more effective working on your business. Pick a location you could see yourself living at for 6+months and commit to that place and get some real work done if that is what you want.

Some of the most important things you need in your location as a traveling online entrepreneur are-

Fast reliable internet
We have wasted so much time with internet and trying to be connected. Using USB sticks waiting for or internet to be connected wasted more time than anything. This is my biggest hate if I can’t get fairly fast reliable internet

Group of people to bounce ideas off/network with
It can be lonely being an entrepreneur so its always good to have a group of people around that you can talk to about whats going on, your problems and your ideas.

Good work space to focus on your business
Its always better to have your set aside space that you can jam out some work. A place where you will not be distracted and you are comfortable to get some serious work done

Good setup
I love our current set up with the maid cooking us food, doing the washing, doing the groceries saves so much time so we can get more work done. Also having a gym in the building means I have no excuse because its so easy to go. Things like this can help you rather than being scrambled all the time looking for places to eat, get your clothes washed and a place to work out all the time.

What’s more important to you?

I think it really depends on you, your business and you goals. If you care about travel and only want to work enough to make a living then it does not matter at ALL where you are. But if you 10% lifestyle 90% business than it really does matter where you set up and how often you move about.

I wish where you lived in the world did not make any difference to your chances of success but sadly it does. Just think of someone in a developing country. Do they really have as much chance of success as someone from a developed country? I would say not. What if you were to try and set up from a country that had absolutely poor internet, no people to network with and a real bad set up overall? i think your chances would be somewhat hindered if you were trying to make it big

Example: If you were located in Phuket do you think you would hussle as much as if you were in HongKong? I think not because you would often be distracted to party in Phuket (plus if you’re a guy all the beautiful girls would distract you more lol) Heaps of the people you would know would be old guys with not much going on just hanging out, owning their bars not at all hustling. Im young now but i fear becoming an expat like that with my one dodgy bar, being super unhealthy and completely broke lol.

Location is not everything
Lets be clear where you live only accounts for a small chance for you to succeed there are way more important things here just to mention a few- How hard you work, your business idea, your staff, your skills and how bad you want to succeed just to mention a few. If you think you can move to Singapore and instantly become a sucess and turn your life around JUST based on your location you have got it all wrong. Your location is only one side of the coin!

Ultimately I think location is not everything. You can be successful no matter where you are or live but sometimes your location could be the leg up that you need, that little advantage to get you going. Like us living in The Philippines starting a business the upfront costs/ongoing costs are way less than if we had started back in Australia. If you have a great bunch of people around you and there is hustle going on perhaps this will push you along. If you lazy or have poor discipline your location is maybe more important for you than it is for other digital nomads that have hussle in their blood.

My Top SEA locations to get some work done

• Singapore- Everyone is saying its the new “in place”
• Davao -A great place but we were there too long)
• Seoul- actually pretty cheap and awesome internet
• Hoi Chi Min City-An amazing place to visit/get some work done
• Manila- Pick a great location in the city and you will be set
• Bangkok- Big ass city alot going on
• Bandar Seri Begawan- No girls, no drinking, no distractions lol

My Top SEA locations relax or hangout

• Davao- cool cheap place to hang out with Samal island close by
• Boracay Island- Amazing beach and so much to do
• Phuket- Crazy place I will never forget
• Cambodia- An adventure!
• Kota Kinabalu- Awesome place to explore Malaysia
• Palawan- Beautiful place just be sure to get out of the main city

Like I said, just define your business and personal goals before choosing your location and how much you will move about.

—

Matt is an expert in outsourcing to The Philippines and has been working with Filipino virtual assistants for more than 5 years. He is the co-founder of RemoteWorkMate (VA management service) and RemoteStaffRecruit (VA recruitment service) Check out his blog LifeStyleBusinessDesign

Read more about building a business and lifestyle in SE Asia at LewisQ.com / AsToldByANerd.com

I have a home now, my own base that I can work, sleep, relax, read, have fun and ‘chill’ in, located in a cozy housing village in Udon Thani, north east Thailand (Isaan region).

I’ve been settled here for over two months, and I all ready feel miles away from that backpacking traveller that I used to be. Maybe it’s because of the slower, slightly more stable way of life I’ve began to adapt, but I find myself ‘expecting more’ of everything:

Expecting more from myself – I’m not just talking about cutting down on the procrastination and increasing output (always a challenge of course), I’m talking about improving the quality of my life. I’m more present with my actions, small things like not shying away in conversations when I know that I’m right I have valid input, dedicating time to socializing and actually enjoying time with others rather then wishing I was back at my laptop all the time, not allowing others to take advantage of me, striving for the best (health, wealth & relationships – doing the best I can in all three areas at all times) and generally not allowing myself to do some of the stupid ‘ish I used to do constantly. It’s refreshing, there’s a sense of pride in holding yourself to higher standards.

Expecting more from those around me – I was playing a game of badminton in the local sweatbox hall a couple of weeks ago, and I caught myself furiously shouting at my doubles partner after she left a relatively easy shot and gave the opposition an easy lead, all because she couldn’t be bothered to jog a couple of steps and return the shuttlecock. Neither of us are badminton pro’s, and I could care less about a missed swing or even an easy return that hits the net – but not returning out of laziness, that deserves a verbal ass kicking.

If you’ve met me, you might have caught on to my ‘live and let live’ philosophy. I find the fence comfortable to sit on, and have had a pretty stress-free time the last few years by not ruffling anyone’s feathers. This has changed with those that I actively care about. I’m doing those around me a dis-service by not being more opinionated, calling people on their bullshit, and generally not being brave/thoughtful enough to pick a side on issues. If you catch me giving you a hard time/lecturing you after you vent about your girlfriend problems , it’s because I love you dawg!

Expecting more in business – niche sites and quick ways to pull in $500 just don’t cut it anymore. I wan’t to be part of things that are going to change some lives. And if something is not going to change lives, it must be valid enough to fund/be utilized for something that is. I’ve got bills to pay, I have a vision of success that isn’t going to be achieved by purely doing things that I wan’t to do: but I’ll be damned if I’m going to spend a solid portion of my life (which is what I’m willing to give to the right cause/business) doing mind numbing work that provides no real value.

I’ve worked in a call centre selling exterior paint that protects your house from rain damage (yes, it was as shitty a product as it sounds), and I actually made decent money doing it. My life sucked though, go figure.

Now don’t go all spoilt brat on me, there’s a difference between expecting + working and expecting + wishing/talking: do the best that you can and expect the best from those close to you & the things that are important to you – it the sweet spot that works for me.

Read more about building a business and lifestyle in SE Asia at LewisQ.com / AsToldByANerd.com

I received this email from a reader the other day and I felt compelled to write up a response publicly in case there are other’s who have asked the same questions:

“I typed in ‘unhappy with city life’ into google and I found your site and read everything you had to say and it’s the first time that I have found relief that someone else actually feels what I feel about London. I am so unhappy living here it is stifling and numbing every part of my life.
But no one else seems to know what I mean. And when people quote that ‘when you’ve had enough of London you’ve had enough of life’ thing at me I just wanna give them a punch! Because that’s just not true!

Before I moved to London I loved it, but now I’m a resident, well, all has changed. It depends on what the goal is, you have found that travelling like a nomad suits you, but for me, I decided on the strength of my skills to try to penetrate the acting industry and for that you need to be near a city because that’s where the industry is. So I’m stuck here!

Oh dear, eh. I don’t know what to do or how to tackle life as it stands, but that was not the point of my writing to you, for the mostpart, what you wrote spoke to me and I wanted to tell you so! I want to live near grass and trees and simple life and I have no interest in the rat race nor designer labels nor things that are contrived, do you know what I mean? I tried to make life simple by asking myself some simple questions, what am I good at? what do I love? and based on the answers I followed. But that has brought me to London and opened up a whole new snake pit. What a shame.”

Man, I’ve had extensive discussions and have come full circle on my thoughts about city life and how it can effect your pshyche, drive and overall happiness since writing that post nearly a year ago. Reading it again, and after analyzing this email from a reader, I realize that I was kind of vague with the key points I was trying to put across:

1) Admit that you are unhappy and decide to do something about it…
2) Set goals and don’t let anything distract you from reaching them…
3) Keep going

Reading these points in succession makes me slap my forehead and shout “doh” like Homer Simpson, I might as well have written “figure out a path and stick to it… or something” – the kind of wishy-washy generic advice that faux self-help micro-industries are built off of.

So in answer to the readers question, and for those trying to figure out an alternative or way out of the unhappy city life they’ve zombie walked in to, here’s uncle Lew’s advice:

1) Give it a proper shot! I left London a year ago with an outbound ticket for Bali and no real plan as to what I was doing. I just knew that I had tried (or so I thought) to make the most of my situation but it wasn’t working out, I needed a change. After traveling around a bit, calling quiet seaside towns my home as well as SE Asian super-citys (Pasig city in Manila – that was an experience), I realize that there are things I really like about city life and that if I had tried harder I could have easily lifted my gloomy outlook without too much effort.

I realize that one thing big, multi-cultural cities offer is options! In a lot of SE Asia my friday night options consist of staying in, drinking or… drinking. A lot of value is placed on family and friends in Thailand and most of SE Asia, so drinking can be a spirited and awesome affair, don’t get me wrong. But compare that to London where I can head to some crazy lesson for something or other every evening (languages, art, food, fitness, dance, whatever), and then follow it up with food choices from a zillion different countries and head to one of the hundreds of social events made for lonely souls to meet others (hop on meetup.com if you haven’t all ready), there is so much to do! Once I left, I really began to appreciate this ‘culture’ thing that people kept labeling my home city with – it simply means options.

2) Get Out! If you have had enough and there is no chance of your love for city life coming back, stop dithering, pack your bags and move! If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from this whole living on the other side of the world gig, it’s the lack of movie like moments when big things happen.

I’ll explain: in movies there always seems to be big deals made about pivitol moments in the plot – someone leaves for a 2 month trip and there’s all sorts of theatrics, from love scenes played out in airport lounges to tear inducing flashbacks accompanied by dramatic music. In real life, you decide to do something big like move abroad or live a contrarion life, and nothing really changes. Sure, you might have a few farewell beers with your friends and family, but a couple of days later everyone’s back to what they normally do every day and you still chat on facebook with everyone like you used to. That is, nothing changes apart from the removal of the frustration that comes form living a life that you know you shouldn’t be.

People I meet from the states have often moved at least 3 or 4 times in their lifetime within the US, it’s just part of finding the ‘right place’ that matches you as a person. Moving on is not such a big deal, especially if you don’t have many family ties in a certain location (kids, spouses, brothers and sisters). With plane tickets available for the price of 1 week of office lunches, and the option to come back always available, there really are no excuses.

3) Realize that your place of residence, in a similar way to lifelong careers, no longer has to be defined by the life scripts of old.

Remember when people used to work, usually for a single company, diligently saving their cash, getting a mortgage that they paid off in 20-35 years and lived in for most of their adult lives? Yeah that script has taken on new forms lately. Recessions, reckless abuse of credit and a lack of space in modern cities means that many people have become lifelong renters.

Similarly, I’ve known people who travel from their country side home at the end of every weekend to their box city apartment around the corner from their office. Hell, I read that Rasmus from my4hours works a job for 6 months of every year and lives in a baller place in Thailand for the other 6.

If you put some real thought into your situation, I’m sure you can hack your way to happiness, and get the best of all worlds. For example, the reader who emailed in could arrange an acting tour, taking classes and meeting actors in different places around the world/her home country and combine it with auditions and some industry networking. If living in London is bogging you down, try combining a great escape with career progression.

Personally, I would move to a place like Bath, Cornwall or Bristol (can you tell I’m a fan of the UK west country) and take the 1-2 hour train trip into London whenever I had an audition/class/cool people party/networking opportunity. But that’s just me

Read more about building a business and lifestyle in SE Asia at LewisQ.com / AsToldByANerd.com

If your childhood was anything like mine, you were constantly pushed to ask questions:

“Remember, there is no such thing as a stupid question!”

“Smart people question everything”

…And other such sayings seemed to fly out of the mouths of teachers, parents and intelligent adults on an almost daily basis.

The adults were right, the greatest minds in history famously questioned everything, even seemingly logical facts that others took for granted (“the world is flat” for example).

The smartest and most successful individuals I have met seem to have the art of asking questions down to a tee, you can almost see the cogs in their brain turning as they listen to an answer; filtering the information their ears are receiving into ideas and practical translations to be used in future.

As adults trying to build expertise, trust and respect, there has to be a point where we stop asking questions of everyone else and start providing answers

Growing up I was raised by my father, and he had a few basic rules or principles that he would use to prop me up after falling down or whenever I would do something stupid (think getting caught doing something you weren’t supposed to, and responding with “but everybody else was doing it”). His favorite line was “lead, don’t follow.”

I believe that to be a leader, in any capacity, you have to be the guy providing answers and not asking questions

I’m not saying you should know everything about everything, learning is living and all that jazz. Rather, if you want to be seen as a leader within a field, as the best man/woman for a job, as the go-to person within an industry or simply as a person worth respecting and looking up to – you need to provide more answers for people then you do questions.

Think of the last time someone asked you a question on a subject that you knew only a little bit about, was your answer “maybe it’s this?” or was it “I think it’s [solution], lets try it so we know for sure”.

Your answers don’t have to be correct all of the time, it’s very likely that you’ll predominantly be wrong as the answers guy, at least starting out. But as you provide more and more answers, meaning you build your own self-confidence and test out different answers for yourself – you gain experience and at the same time, trust.

People start to realize that if they want an answer rather then a discussion, you’re who they call.

Everyone wants someone who can remove doubt, in a world that is full of it. You want them to scroll to your name in their iphone’s contacts when this need arises. You provide answers. You are a leader.

Read more about building a business and lifestyle in SE Asia at LewisQ.com / AsToldByANerd.com